ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
