She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
