Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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