I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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