you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
