My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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