what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
