WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
