My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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