If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
