I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's blow job season.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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