i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
