eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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