I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
