Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
