He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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