Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
