I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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