If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
no, he came in my armpit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
