it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
