wakey wakey hands off snakey
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
