Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
