at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
