I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
