You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
