have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my shit smells like andre
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
