he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
