I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
