I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
