Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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