these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
