Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
