I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
