oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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