I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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