five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
