your room smells of hookers.
And success
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
