i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
