Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
