pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
