Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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