i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
