This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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