I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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