I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
