i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
