Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
