where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
