I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
