My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
