I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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