You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
