Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
