The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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