Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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