Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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