Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
MIDGETS
????
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
