1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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