when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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