I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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